OMG srsly so kewl!!!1!

The geniuses who came up with this deserve a wet, sloppy kiss:

The StupidFilter.

I’m not tech-savvy enough to understand how or why it works, but thank the sweet Lord for those who are.

On a somewhat related note (I’m not sure how it’s related, but maybe?), here’s the text from Obama’s speech last night: Link.

Why watch tv anymore when you have the internet? And now, the StupidFilter? Life is good!

I’m not a politically active person – I know I should be, but I can’t help but be jaded, even today with a candidate like Obama. I tend to show my support for the lesser of two evils, because I mistrust most politicians, even the ones I like. It’s all a game, even when they say it isn’t. And don’t get me started on the media coverage, pundits and their ilk, and people who debate and speculate over the most ridiculous crap (can someone make a StupidFilter for media outlets?). Obama’s speech is pretty brilliant, but I can’t help but see the calculation behind everything he says. They all do it – they have to, to an extent. It’s selling yourself on the grandest scale, and it just turns me off.

A Post in the Style of Bridget Jones, Only Without Presence of Colin Firth (Shame)

Weight: who knows anymore
Alcohol units: 3? 4? Hard to say

Am having v. good evening.

Went to local grocer to purchase marked-up staples – must remember to visit more cost-efficient store one exit south for big shopping trips. Could use that $100 for more important things. Like booze. Came home, did laundry (hurrah!), read my book club book (Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil – must visit Savannah someday) on the patio while vaguely aware of the sunset just over the treetops. Bloody idyllic, this place.

Succeeded in making expert gourmet dinner of spinach and cheese tortellini with peas and a tomato cream sauce (achieved by adding a dash of heavy cream to canned pasta sauce. Marvelous. Who wouldn’t want me as a wife?). Thought about creating a simple green salad, but figured peas contributed enough nutritional value to cancel out the heavy cream altogether. Drank fancy name-brand bottled water in manner of California celebrities who don’t know what to do with all their money.

Realized soon after that a bottle of vodka lurked in the freezer. Also had limes. And cranberry juice. For future reference, the combination of these items makes a fantastic dinner follow-up.

Seriously loving the new apartment. Haven’t progressed with unpacking, though. Oof.

Two Things

1. The new apartment is fabulous, although in disarray at the moment. I focused on the most important areas over the weekend: kitchen, bathroom, closets. No surprise, we have a lot of crap. But thanks to a few of J.’s friends and a couple of movers, it’s (mostly) done and the TV is still in tact. I sat out on our giant patio yesterday morning drinking my coffee, watching the birds and squirrels and deer (no bears yet, but fingers crossed). Such a far cry from overlooking a parking lot. It kind of reminds me of my grandparents’ ranch, which is a very comforting feeling.

2. So, months ago, J. and I had planned a Labor Day weekend getaway to that bastion of beaches, South Padre Island. Then, the hurricane hit and damaged pretty much every hotel on the island, so we had to cancel. As a substitute, we planned a trip to New Orleans. What fun! we thought. I’ve never been to NOLA and was super excited to go. Well, I found out a couple of days ago that NOLA turns into Big Gay Central every Labor Day. No kidding. I’m glad I learned this beforehand, or we would’ve had the shock of our lives. Don’t get me wrong – I love gay men, and trannies? Forget about it. Hearts hearts hearts all around, ladies. But it’s just not the kind of “vacation” I was hoping for, and with my gay-bait boyfriend in tow, I would have been fighting them off left and right. Apparently the universe does not want us to leave Austin over Labor Day, so we’ll just stay home and finish unpacking. Maybe our weekend trip will include a jaunt to Ikea instead. Exotic!

Food That Will Kill You. Yay!

Among my many quirks is a somewhat morbid fascination with knowing the nutritional content of food. I say morbid because holy Christ, do you KNOW what we put into our bodies on a daily basis? It’s outrageous, and not a little disgusting.

I’ve become a bit obsessed with Eat This, Not That, a brilliant feature in Men’s Health magazine. Seriously, it is totally, utterly engrossing. I subscribe to their email newsletter, so every week I get a little update on the horrible state of American cuisine. It’s enough to make you never want to eat food again. Observe:

The Saltiest Dish in America:
Romano’s Macaroni Grill Chicken Portobello
Sodium 7,300 mg
Calories 1,020
Fat 66 g
Salt Equivalent: 48 strips of bacon

I know! It’s obscene, right? There’s more:

The Worst Drink in America:
Baskin Robbins Large Heath Bar Shake
2,310 calories
108 g fat (64 g saturated)
266 g

Repulsive!

And now (are you ready for this?):

The Worst Food in America:
Outback Steakhouse Aussie Cheese Fries with Ranch
2,900 calories
240 g carbs
182 g fat

I could spend hours looking through this site, but what I really like about it is that they offer alternatives. If you’re going to eat out at restaurants (which almost everyone does), you should know what your healthiest options are. Or at least you should know what you’re getting yourself into, why you can’t lose those last few pounds, or why you feel totally bloated and gross after eating at, say, Macaroni Grill.

So yeah…enjoy your next meal!

Unacceptable, Warner Bros!

Link.

Mother. Effers.

It’s funny how this move is totally, utterly, and completely caused by pure unadulterated greed. As if this film won’t make money regardless of when it opens. And the Thanksgiving holiday? Hello? Would’ve been the perfect time to release it. At any rate, pushing it back all the way to next summer “to take advantage of an open weekend in Hollywood’s busy summer season” is crap.

The Twilight film is being released in December, which I think competes for a similar audience. Wait too much longer, and will people forget about Harry Potter? Or just stop caring? After all, everyone knows how it ends now. That mystery, which helped drive the films as well as the books, is no longer a mystery.

At least the 6th film stars Jim Broadbent, whom I love. But still. You’re on my list, Warner Brothers. You’re on my list.

Thoughts on Time Passing, Getting Older, Being Dead Soon

So, this weekend I’m heading up to the great white north (of Texas) to attend my 10-Year High School Reunion, grumpy boyfriend in tow (because we DID graduate together, so he SHOULD go, too, so stop whining already). I’m preparing myself for the mental anguish of seeing all these people again. People with whom I probably wasn’t friends 10 years ago, which means we probably won’t be friends now. That’s just logic.

I don’t entirely get the concept of high school reunions. I mean, in my mind, you keep in touch with the people you really want to keep in touch with, and who cares about the rest? Why torture yourself with coordinated events that you have to dress up and pay for, only to mingle briefly and wonder why you even bothered in the first place? Based on my observations from movies and television, the real reasons behind high school reunions are so a) the nerds can gloat about how totally hot and rich they are now, b) all the unpopular kids can gloat about how fat the popular kids are now, c) the people who have spouses/kids now can gloat about their spouses/kids with the other people who have spouses/kids and d) you can finally hook up with that guy/girl who was way out of your league your junior year and is now so crushed by life and/or drunk that they’re willing to let you touch them.

I, personally, care about none of this.

The other, more cynical reason for high school reunions is for people to discover just how little they’ve truly accomplished over the past 10 years in comparison to their peers. How time is passing quickly, and we’re not taking full advantage of it. How we’re all fast approaching 30, which only leads to 40, which then staggers on to 50, 60, 70, and then, according to statistics about life expectancy in the U.S., death.

Now, an optimistic person would see this as an opportunity to be inspired by all the people who have been successful. Me, I’m less of an optimist, more of a realist. So, I’ll probably go, talk to the few people I remember or am still friends with, drink at least 5 adult beverages, and get the hell out of there.

If there’s one thing I’ve learned over the past 10 years, it’s that I have a low tolerance for awkward social situations. Hey, at least I’ve learned something.

Happiness is…

1. Steamed mussels in white wine butter, cold chardonnay, and hazelnut praline gelato with fresh berries. Yes, I’m still dreaming about the meal I had on Friday night. Thanks, Jenny!

2. Drunken karaoke with a small group of friends, many of whom I had only just met, but aided by plenty of beer and something called “Celebration Fizz,” which contained both champagne and vodka. Livin’ on a prayer, indeed.

3. New issues of Us Weekly, stolen from J’s brother’s condo, where we did laundry. For free (no quarters necessary!)

4. Dyeing my hair the perfect color using an $11.99 box of hair color from HEB. So suck it, expensive, time-consuming salon! I don’t care if I AM pouring hydrogen peroxide all over my head, my hair is shiny and dark and everything I hoped it would be. For $11.99.

5. Pool party + booze

6. Moving in 2 weeks! Hurrah!